Progress can look like a million and one different things and changes depending on who we are. Most often, progress is viewed in terms of how well we consider ourselves to be moving forward and is often based on whether we believe we are achieving. If we believe we are achieving things, we often feel like we are moving forward and therefore making progress.
But what does any of this really mean?
What if we thought about progress completely differently? What if progress was simply a reflection of not what we do but who we are being? What if progress is actually the continual process of upgrading ourselves to a newer and better version of who we ARE?
When we change the way we view progress, the way we look at our life also changes. We begin to see all the ways that we are creatures of comfort and how incredibly alluring it is to remain comfortable. However, being comfortable is a double edged sword because whilst it feels safe, it is also the very reason we often feel stuck or bored. It is not uncommon to feel like our potential is going to waste or that our life is passing us by whilst we find ourselves doing the same thing day in and day out.
The scary truth is that we can be “moving forward” in the eyes of society, but not improving or becoming a better version of ourselves. We can be congratulated for moving up the ladder at work, becoming the owner of multiple houses and investments, getting married, having a child, starting a business, making more money, or simply winning awards in whatever form that may be. But have you ever had one of these moments and realised that YOU still felt the same on the inside? Still felt consumed by worry, like you needed to rush or do more? Did you feel trapped in the same reality that what you have done is still not enough?
If we have outwardly made progress but still feel the same on the inside, then the important question might be: Have I really made progress?
When we shift how we view progress, we begin to realise that every day we are faced with many moments of opportunity. These moments are the ones that challenge us to become a better version of who we are simply by making a new choice... and funnily enough, this is actually where ALL the juice is.
If we look at progress as an internal and individual process as opposed to a tangible outcome that can be seen by others, we begin to see clearly where we have been blocking ourselves from experiencing the life that we truly desire. We see where we have been preventing our own inner peace, joy and freedom in the present moment and that this is actually the life we came here to live.
Every day is full of moments that have the opportunity to heal, change and improve who we are so that we can progress on our path but if we are not careful, we can easily get in our own way.
Blocking our own progress might look like:
1. Finding excuses
This is a pretty common block for most people because well…we’re human. When you are faced with an opportunity to upgrade to a new version of who you are, it is not unusual to find yourself flooded with excuses and rationalisations about all the reasons why you can’t.
When confronted with something new and unknown this can trigger anxiety for a lot of people. Because of this, we are inclined to look to the future for our safety, try and predict all the potential risks and problems, and find reasons that will give us some kind of certainty.
You might find yourself saying things like “I’ll start tomorrow” or “once things have settled in the next few months then I will...”, or even listed all the reasons why it’s not a safe choice right now such as “I can’t afford it” or “my wife/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t approve”.
Whatever the challenge, when we feel anxious in the face of uncertainty, our mind will always conjur up an excuse. All of which stops us from truly committing and making the change right here in this very moment.
2. Always DOING instead of BEING
One major block that is often hard to recognise is getting stuck living our life in “doing” mode as opposed to simply being. In society, movement is often confused with progress and so it is extremely easy to get trapped in motion.
You might have noticed that you prefer to always be doing something because it means that you can be ticking things off and this leaves you with a sense of achievement. Similarly, you might struggle to do “nothing” because it makes you feel like you are wasting time. When you are caught in doing mode it prevents you from being 100% in the moment and this is actually where all of the growth potential exists.
Meditation is a great example of this because it is a practice that is done by so many people, but truly experienced by very few. When we see meditation as something to be done, we can find ourselves moving through it as a way to simply "tick it off" but in doing so we avoid actually practicing it. Doing meditation and being in meditation are two very different things. One is fruitless and the other leads to progress.
Another way that we can get caught in doing is trialling everything but never committing. It’s possible you have found yourself constantly moving from one strategy or healing modality to another but never being fully open to receiving any of it. Trialling a whole heap of things can sometimes give us the false sense that we are moving forward because we are “doing something” but in actual fact we're not growing. If we are not 100% open to an experience, are we truly allowing ourselves to change or upgrade?
3. Preoccupying ourselves
This one ties into the last one as it can stem from the thought process that doing more is achieving more which creates a constant preoccupation with movement.
People who constantly preoccupy themselves find that they always feel too busy and their schedules are always overloaded. They might throw themselves into work at any opportunity or say yes to every social occasion that comes their way, leaving them with no time for themselves. We often think that we have no time, but the truth is that we often don’t create the time.
Those who have a habit of preoccupying themselves may also have a pattern of creating big life disruptions such as moving or relocating. They may notice that every few years they feel like something is missing and find themselves moving to a new city or country in order to fix the problem. Often times it takes a good year or two for the dust to settle before we are left with the same feelings on the inside. We can move to the other side of the world but we will still take who we are with us. The important thing to remember is that if we can’t be content and happy right here and now we have to be brave enough to ask ourselves why.
4. Using false positivity
Have you ever felt crappy and had someone tell you to think positive or better yet, just get over it? If you have ever experienced this then you probably know how unhelpful it can feel. There’s a lot of talk out there these days about positive mindset, affirmation work and gratitude and whilst they ALL have their place, they’re not always helpful and sometimes…they can be a really sneaky avoidance tactic.
Society has done well to make us feel like there is something wrong with us if we are not feeling good, happy, or motivated all the time. So when we’re not feeling this way, instead of acknowledging this truth and sitting with how we really feel, we struggle and resist because we want to feel good.
Experiencing painful emotions is completely natural and normal and is something that has to be FELT in order to be fully processed and released. When people use false positivity, they're often trying to avoid the feelings by utilising the thinking mind to bypass them. Choosing the route of soldiering on or “getting over it” may have been what was drilled into us by those around us, and whilst it may help in the short term, it can actually lead to long term harm. When we push on instead of learning how to feel, we suppress our emotional energy and this can perpetuate chronic stress.
Because our emotional energy is often unconscious, when we start to experience the surface level problems that arise as a result of chronic stress (such as mental and physical illness), we often feel confused as to why it is happening and this keeps us in a loop of preoccupation.
When we feel crappy, we can’t think our way out of the emotion that we feel but we CAN trick ourselves into thinking we have. Cultivating a positive mindset is incredibly important but sometimes all we really need is to just honestly and truthfully be okay with not feeling happy and motivated…and know that all of our emotions are amazing and serve a purpose.
5. Comparing ourselves to others
People who find themselves falling into this space might notice that they fall prey to social collusion and rationalisation as a way to prevent themselves from having to make a change. They might notice that they want to change a behaviour but instead of doing so they surround themselves with people who actively participate in that behaviour because it feels better knowing they're not the only one doing it. Perhaps you want to stop drinking or work less but you hang out with people who drink and work a lot and find yourself making rationalisations like “all of these people are doing it so it must be okay”.
Whenever we compare to others we are not fully focused on ourselves and it can be easy to lose sight of our own truth and progress. We might worry what others will think if we stopped showing up or changed a pattern, and this unknown can create a lot of doubt when we try to follow what we need for ourselves.
6. Focusing on other people
Perhaps one of the easiest ways we block our own progress is getting caught in other people’s problems. If this is you, you might notice that people always seem to come to you for advice and you seem to spend all of your time solving, thinking about or being concerned for other people’s situations instead of focusing on how you feel and what you need. You may find yourself continuing to pick up the phone when your friend calls or going to family dinner even though you have no energy or feel exhausted.
When we fall into this category, we often have no idea how to actually help ourselves. Often times, the block that is occurring is the inability to prioritise ourselves and have healthy boundaries. This usually starts early in life where prioritising the needs of others became the primary coping strategy and when we move into adulthood, it gets in the way of our own progress because we don’t know how to prioritise our own needs and feelings.
What’s the takeaway?
It is clear that the biggest block we face when trying to make progress is how we view progress itself. For most of us we’ve been celebrated for doing tangible things all of our life which can mean that we find ourselves taking actions that do not necessarily help us simply because it can give us a sense that we are progressing.
We do however know that our inner experience tells a very different story. If we can do all of the “right” things but still feel empty on the inside, this is an opportunity to see that our inner feelings and knowing is what truly matters. If we can be open to our true progression being something that we FEEL, then we can also see that it cannot be determined by the outside world.
There are many ways we can block ourselves but the biggest of them all is the one that society stamped on most of us from the get go. If we can release the need to progress in the eyes of society, we will have removed a giant block that brings us one step closer to really feeling and experiencing the life that we know is possible for ourselves deep down.
One of the best ways to instantly move forward is to recognise that you can be moving forwards without physically moving forwards. You can be progressing without ticking something off, going somewhere or doing something. You can be progressing the moment you take a breath and realise that you are already enough. You are already a success and your progress is personal to you.
Our opportunities to progress are the moments we face every day that challenge who we are and this can naturally induce anxiety. The truth is that we can't have certainty when we are faced with an opportunity to become an improved version of who we are because we are naturally stepping into the unknown. Once we know this to be the case, it is much easier to step back and ask ourselves some useful questions. Instead of focusing on our anxious thoughts and excuses, we can simply ask “how might this be an opportunity for ME to grow”?
If we can be aware that the version of who we are now is always going to be most comfortable with not changing, then we can begin to look for, and embrace the times where we feel most resistant. These are our moments to grow, change and improve, and any resistance we feel along the way can actually be an extremely helpful tool for us to do this.
Remembering all of this makes it so much easier to recognise that our excuses and rationalisations, comparisons, preoccupation, focus on others and false positivity are just ways to stay comfortable as who we are the way we have been....but that is not where life is truly lived. If we want to feel more connected to our life, we have to be willing to feel and face our emotions and our truth.
When we remain aware, it’s much easier to step back and get out of our own way.
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Molly is a Holistic Counsellor with qualifications in Holistic Counselling, Life Coaching & Meditation Therapy. However, most of what she brings to the table is her personal human experience and dedication to self healing and growth. She is the founder of Mind Habitat which offers Holistic Counselling that uses a mind-body approach to achieving personal power. You can book a session with Molly here or visit the Mind Habitat homepage here.
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