Isn’t it true that most of us think back to our childhood with a lot of nostalgia? We often look back at our formative years and can still remember what it felt like to be truly alive. We can remember what it felt like to be free and fun-loving. For many of us, when we don’t feel this way as an adult, we often find ourselves putting it down to the lack of responsibilities we had as a child.
Is this true? Perhaps. Or was it because we were spending time doing exactly what we wanted, when we wanted? Was it really a lack of responsibilities or did we experience these positive states because we were simply being our authentic selves? Is it possible that we can actually still do all of that but it was just beaten out of us? Enter the schooling system...
It’s incredibly scary how much influence the schooling system has over our development as a human and the path we may walk for the rest of our life. Not only was High School a daily survival mission socially, but its rigidity and lack of variety left many of us feeling like we were somehow failing before we even started.
For most of us High School was not an enjoyable time of our lives. Not only did we frantically try to avoid being voted out of our tribe every day, we also had to endure thousands of hours, ways of learning and activities that did not support who we were or what we needed as an individual.
"The schooling system is pretty well set up for one type of human and if it isn’t for YOU then strap in and best of luck. "
Teachers themselves are handed down the responsibility of delivering 3 years’ worth of work in 40 weeks, leaving them totally stressed out with little chance of effectively helping students who may not have grasped something within the first 10 seconds.
We all know what it feels like when we can’t understand something. What we want in that moment is for someone to help us understand…not slap us with an exam to test our lack of understanding.
There comes a moment where we may look back on school and realise “oh dear”. For something that is meant to provide us with a foundation for living a happy life, it actually succeeds in making most of us feel totally anxious, unsure about anything we’re doing, completely out of balance with our priorities and totally stressed about having to compete and be better than everyone else.
Many end up feeling totally and utterly exhausted. Life tends to feel a bit blah but we’ve been taught that THIS is adulthood. Is this really what having responsibilities looks like? Actually, no. This is just the ramifications of terrible lessons we learned in school.
In no particular order, here is what we would do well to forget:
1. That being bored is part of the gig
Most of us hated High School because we were often forced to do a lot of sh*t we didn’t like, nor were we the least bit interested in.
Most of us learned pretty early on that we had to sit through hours upon hours of stuff that we didn’t have any interest in. As delightful as the curriculum might have been for a select few, let’s be honest, it’s not offering much for the rest of us.
It was sort of like being served up a platter with several canapes that were all made with the same ingredients. If you don’t like those ingredients, it’s unlikely you’re going to like anything on that platter. Kind of ridiculous right?
The worst part is that we’re often led to believe that after we finish school, this is it! It’s just more of the same in the “big wide world” so we better just pick whatever we like the most from that sh*tty platter.
For 99% of us, those choices weren’t all that exciting so we’re left thinking: “I guess this is what it means to be an adult. It’s hard and sometimes boring”. This is an awful lesson and one we need to toss out the window immediately. The truth is that there are so many skills we DID NOT get to explore in school and there are infinite possibilities that can be created with those skills. The key word being: CREATE.
Life is about honouring our uniqueness and bringing our own creations into the world so that we can shift and evolve as a collective. And what is creating not? Boring and mundane. If we’re constantly churning out the same human and redirecting them into the same 10 jobs, we’re not allowing anyone to use their innate potential and bring their unique creations into the world.
2. That you have to BE someone other than who you are
Throughout school, many children are constantly fed the question “what are you going to be when you’re older?”
Not only is this incredibly silly, it also makes many people feel like they are not enough just as they are. It encourages people to look outside of themselves for their happiness and success…which it isn’t.
When we constantly feel like we have to DO something or BE someone other than who we are, we’re left searching outside of ourselves for this special ingredient that is going to finally tick the box. Many people spend their entire life looking because they haven’t been taught that they are already enough. The truth is that we all intrinsically hold the answers we seek in life but we need to connect with ourselves in order to know what they are.
When we can simply BE and focus on what makes us who we are, we realise that this is ENOUGH. We have already arrived. We don’t need to be anyone or anything else. By trusting our unique selves, we naturally become more of who we are and our gifts shine naturally.
3. That you need to compete with others in order to be successful
Competition certainly does have its benefits and can really help us push ourselves in ways we might not have been able to do otherwise. Yet, the constant ranking system that is imposed upon students in school leaves many feeling like their success is determined by what everyone else is doing. The constant comparing is all based on how much better we can do than other people as opposed to how well we can do for ourselves.
This alone is responsible for so many people feeling insecure when those around them are doing well as if it is something to be feared. We think someone else’s success means something about our own.
Instead, we need to realise that success is personal and we don’t need to feel threatened by someone else doing well. Everyone can be successful when we’re not living in Survival (7 Signs that you are living in Survival Mode) and feeling like we need to do better than everyone else.
4. That something is only worth celebrating if someone else thinks so
I can actually remember the time where I felt so proud of myself after writing an English exam, only to receive another C grade for it. School is a constant reminder that our success is only valid if other people think so…and it harms us all.
We might try our absolute best and be told we’re not trying or actually do something amazing only to have our own sense of accomplishment ripped away from us because one person didn’t agree with our very subjective essay.
It’s no wonder that so many of us head into adulthood with People Pleasing mentalities (8 ways to tell if your'e a People Pleaser) or feeling like we are never good enough. We’re constantly waiting for someone to tell us that what we have done is good. We keep doing things (often sh*t we don’t even care about), because we’ve been told we should and that it’ll win us points if we do. But who are we doing all of this for?
If we can be celebrated and considered a major success in the eyes of our peers, but feel disconnected and unhappy on the inside, are we really a success? We have to remember that we own the rule book. Success is only success if we feel it is. So we may as well do what we want to do and stop waiting for someone to give us an A.
I never got more than a C grade in English for 5 years and guess what? I’m going to write this article anyway because it makes me happy and I feel proud of myself when I do. Do whatever you want and celebrate yourself along the way.
5. That your life is a linear journey
School definitely left us with the feeling that our choices in life are few and decisions along the way are often fixed with little room for change. Listening to our intuition and changing course if needed was not discussed, leaving many people with the belief that change is a back step or failure. As a result, it’s not uncommon to feel like our entire life is a series of linear steps and moving to the right or stopping is a complete waste of time or epic fail….and it’s NOT true.
Picking a career through a lifetime lens doesn’t allow us to live in the present moment or know the importance of our feelings. Our intuition is our internal compass that guides us toward what is and is not right for ourselves and our own lives and that rarely looks like a straight line.
When we’ve been taught to ignore our intuition, we can spend years in the same job even though we stopped feeling it long ago. We can watch movies through to completion even though they’re garbage, or force ourselves to finish a book even when we’ve got all we wanted from it. It wastes our time, keeps us stuck and we lose our momentum.
6. That you should always “know” what you are going to do
Pretty early we’re asked that dreaded question: “what do you want to be when you’re older?”
This creates so much anxiety for people because it leads us to believe that we should always KNOW our future. As we near the end of high school there is so much pressure to make a decision and have certainty on our entire life. It not only creates a lot of unnecessary anxiety (8 Tell Tale Signs You Are Experiencing Chronic Anxiety), it also prevents us from having the freedom to live in the moment and make decisions as we see fit.
When we’re always needing to know how things will pan out, it not only makes us feel like something is wrong with us if we don’t, but it keeps us focused on things outside of ourselves instead of the more important inner self.
The truth is that when we try to KNOW everything that is going to happen in life it prevents us from feeling truly free or experiencing everything that happens moment to moment. In reality, life is a series of steps that we take based on the feedback we have in the here and now. Our intuition is a BIG part of this feedback. Needing to know our entire life course before we take a single step does not allow for the fact that we will change and so will our perspective along the way. We can plan our entire life from day dot but that’s the opposite of truly living… And it feels that way too.
How do I feel right now and what do I want? That’s all we really need to know.
7. That your creativity is based on how good you are at Art
Many of us simply believe that we’re not creative because we’ve been led to believe that it’s directly related to our artistic abilities.
Creativity itself is not about art, design and music but rather the ideas we generate, develop and express. It is about wanting to create or change something. Not just in the arts but any area of life where we are using our minds to generate novel and useful ideas.
All human beings are creative but for most of us, we’ve taken this disempowering lesson that limits our creativity instead of truly allowing ourselves to embrace and harness our unique ideas and thoughts that are constantly churning over in our mind.
So remember, even if you were handed down some poor grades in art class, it doesn’t matter. You are innately creative! You just need to remain curious without censoring yourself and trust that your thoughts are your creative footprint for the world.
8. That your intelligence is purely academic
Because our platter was very small in school, what we were assessed on was also very small. For many people, if those subjects were not their thing, it can lead to limiting beliefs of low intelligence. How many of us leave school thinking “I’m stupid” or “I’m not very smart”. We’re led to believe that our intelligence rides on our small platter and it’s just not true.
I know in my own life it often didn’t matter what scores I got in my tests. If I was the worst among my peers, I felt like I must be stupid. For a long time I felt like I was not intelligent until I asked myself: “in who’s eyes?”
So many of us have so many incredible qualities that were not up for assessment. Ironically, it’s actually A LOT of these qualities that lead people to a lot of success. Self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, focus, discipline, attentive listening, intuition, leadership skills…the list goes on!
We can read and regurgitate knowledge all day long, but if we can’t connect with other human beings, we’re going to struggle in the long term. Sure, we can make it to “the top” whatever that means but are we really successful if we stand their alone?
Intelligence is far more than just academic ability and we’d do well to remind ourselves of this truth. We are far more intelligent than we’ve been led to believe and it’s imperative that we all own our strengths and know that this is what makes up our intelligence!
9. That you should only focus energy toward what you’re good at
In the schooling system it’s not uncommon to find that you were encouraged to drop out of subjects because the school simply didn’t want poorer results on their record. Sadly, this teaches many of us that we should only focus on what we’re good at in the eyes of others. We may have had a passion for something else but now have little idea because we were channelled down a path that supported the school, not ourselves.
Being told to focus only on our strengths is also one of the reasons why so many people are uncomfortable with ALL of who they are. Many people avoid their weaknesses or shortcomings in fear of failure, embarrassment or disapproval of others. We might notice that we’ve become hyper focused on doing what we CAN do but seriously avoidant of anything that challenges us or scares us which ends up blocking our own progress (6 Sneaky Ways We Block Our Own Progress).
But the truth is, in order to feel truly alive and balanced in life, we need to bring ALL of these qualities into light. When we shun parts of ourselves, we do so out of fear and this prevents us from feeling truly comfortable with who we are or from discovering everything we are capable of in life. When we can focus on our weaknesses as well as our strengths, we can experience greater depths of freedom in and fulfillment in life.
So what’s the takeaway?
There’s no denying we’ve all become excellent students. Most of us listened and took direction too well despite what we felt deep down. The issue certainly isn’t the determination and grit of the students, but the system itself.
It appears that the schooling system is a business that has lost its way.
"Whilst parts of it may serve a purpose, we need to remember that we should be equipping our youth with the skills that are going to help them live an AUTHENTIC, healthy and happy life."
Perhaps it’s time we scrap it and start again? I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s insane to learn the same 5 or 6 things every day for 5 years. I’m pretty sure that we can squeeze in some essential life skills in there, starting with some mindfulness and then perhaps, how to lodge a tax return.
It is clear that the biggest issues that exists within the schooling system is that it encourages our young people to focus on their external world rather than understanding themselves and developing who they are as an individual. If we can focus on ourselves instead of the world around us, we are likely to discover that our success, happiness and freedom are personal and occur when we are living a life that feels authentic.
When we focus only on external outcomes, we lose touch with our intuition and sense of self. We forget that what we think and feel matters. We forget who we are and without truly knowing ourselves, life feels empty.
By focusing on our own development, we begin to notice that we are all unique and our journeys are not comparable. We can champion others without the fear of our own success being threatened and know that we are responsible for our own happiness in life.
We can finally let go of needing to know how things will happen, and finally live our life in the here and now.
Life is lived when we release the need for certainty and embrace the ever changing nature of the world. Everything is constantly changing in every moment…including ourselves.
Life doesn’t feel so scary when we trust in our own path and know that the universe is supporting each and every one of us. By working together, we can help each other to grow and discover the depths of what is possible.
When we can all connect to ourselves, we are able to do things with purpose and bring our unique ideas and creations to the world.
Forget the rule book you were given in school. It delivered some pretty shabby and limiting lessons that you would do best to toss out the window.
It’s not too late to learn what we should have in school. By spending time in solitude without distraction, meditating or getting into nature, we can allow the mind to become quieter; opening up more space to understand ourselves, connect with our intuition and allow creative energy to flow.
At the end of the day, you came here to live YOUR life, and only you can know what that looks like.
So…Who are you?
What lights you up?
What makes you different?
What impact do you want to have on the world?
Follow your heart.
If you enjoyed reading this article, don’t forget to share it!
You may also be interested in reading: 9 Amazing (and Unexpected) Reasons to Work On Yourself
Are you looking for Guidance?
If you are looking to heal your anxiety naturally or have a desire to upgrade your life, Holistic Counselling could be just the thing for you. You can read more about it below.
Molly is a Holistic Counsellor with qualifications in Holistic Counselling, Life Coaching & Meditation Therapy. However, most of what she brings to the table is her personal human experience and dedication to self healing and growth. She is the founder of Mind Habitat which offers Holistic Counselling to individuals who want to heal their anxiety naturally and develop personal power in their life. You can book a session with Molly here.
Comments